Sometimes, i am really opinionated and everyelse seems unable to think.
But other times (especially when the issues are personal) every option seems the same. Or at least equal.
How to describe that feeling that preferences and plans are actually just random brain events, and tomorrow it might all seem totally different. Do I want to work, earn money and live a comfortable life with a solid roof over my head, a fridge full of food, disposable income? Do I want travel, adventure, new experiences? How do you pick? How do you decide what is important to you when all options seem equally enticing and revolting?
Friday, July 24, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
dry light
I am completely infatuated with this photo - I think its the best one I have ever taken. It made my weekend!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
The Human Zoo experience
I'm a single girl, prime of life and all that. No ticking clock, but also not averse to the idea of romance.
So I joined an on-line dating site.
Firstly - are men so cowed by feminism's advances that they can no longer ask a girl out? Even one who is obviously wanting to meet people. Come on guys, how many getting to know you emails are you actually interested in?
Secondly, why would say you are liberal and open minded, but have a non-negotiable ethnicity criteria?
I could go on and on about the vagaries of profiles and protocol, but I'll save it for another day.
Today I'm going to describe why the name of this blog came to mind.
I arranged to meet a man (I'll call him Data) at the beach, for a beer and a chat. Yes, I had to make the arrangement, both ask for the meeting, and decide on the time and place. Get a backbone lads - its not very attractive to be so submissive straight off!
Anyway, after about 20 minutes of rather awkward conversation-making, some stranger comes over and says 'can I sit and chat for a while?'. Turns out this guy (I'll call him Steve) is from Jo'burg and just wants to meet some Durban people. Fair enough.
Bu then Steve tells us how unfriendly 'these Indians you have here in Durban' are. He tried to talk to one, and would you know, he wasn't interested into talking to this stranger. Oh dear. Steve then ask me why my toes are so small (!!!!!!!!!!!) and why am I wearing glasses -don't I know about contacts? His brother decides to join him at out table. He tells me ' a woman single at 30 - there must be something wrong with you!' He is 33 and single, but as he has a penis (I presume - I didn't check) its apparently ok.
Steve decides to talk to the guy at the next table for a few blessedly calm minutes. When he comes back, it's to tell us that the man is gay 'but its ok because he keeps it to himself'. Something in me just switched. I guess I was wound up by the whole blind date environment. It was mid-afternoon by now, I hadn't eaten lunch and was a few beers down. I asked him if 'all Jo'burgers are such bigoted f***ups'. He was surprised, to say the least. so I told him he had been sitting there 'spewing hatred' all afternoon.
To be totally honest, the poor guy was just an average schmuck, down for a weekend by the sea. I felt pretty sorry for him afterwards. I don't agree with his opinions, but he wasn't exactly spewing hatred either.
Needless to say, I didn't hear from Data again!
At least both Steve and I suffer from the same problem - Foot in Mouth Disease!
So I joined an on-line dating site.
Firstly - are men so cowed by feminism's advances that they can no longer ask a girl out? Even one who is obviously wanting to meet people. Come on guys, how many getting to know you emails are you actually interested in?
Secondly, why would say you are liberal and open minded, but have a non-negotiable ethnicity criteria?
I could go on and on about the vagaries of profiles and protocol, but I'll save it for another day.
Today I'm going to describe why the name of this blog came to mind.
I arranged to meet a man (I'll call him Data) at the beach, for a beer and a chat. Yes, I had to make the arrangement, both ask for the meeting, and decide on the time and place. Get a backbone lads - its not very attractive to be so submissive straight off!
Anyway, after about 20 minutes of rather awkward conversation-making, some stranger comes over and says 'can I sit and chat for a while?'. Turns out this guy (I'll call him Steve) is from Jo'burg and just wants to meet some Durban people. Fair enough.
Bu then Steve tells us how unfriendly 'these Indians you have here in Durban' are. He tried to talk to one, and would you know, he wasn't interested into talking to this stranger. Oh dear. Steve then ask me why my toes are so small (!!!!!!!!!!!) and why am I wearing glasses -don't I know about contacts? His brother decides to join him at out table. He tells me ' a woman single at 30 - there must be something wrong with you!' He is 33 and single, but as he has a penis (I presume - I didn't check) its apparently ok.
Steve decides to talk to the guy at the next table for a few blessedly calm minutes. When he comes back, it's to tell us that the man is gay 'but its ok because he keeps it to himself'. Something in me just switched. I guess I was wound up by the whole blind date environment. It was mid-afternoon by now, I hadn't eaten lunch and was a few beers down. I asked him if 'all Jo'burgers are such bigoted f***ups'. He was surprised, to say the least. so I told him he had been sitting there 'spewing hatred' all afternoon.
To be totally honest, the poor guy was just an average schmuck, down for a weekend by the sea. I felt pretty sorry for him afterwards. I don't agree with his opinions, but he wasn't exactly spewing hatred either.
Needless to say, I didn't hear from Data again!
At least both Steve and I suffer from the same problem - Foot in Mouth Disease!
Last weekend I saw something wierd and horrible
Last weeekend I saw something wierd and horrible.
I was in my car, waiting at a robot for the light to change. A gogo was crossing the road on foot. I noticed she was looking behind her. As she got to the other side of the road, a young guy (maybe 17-20) came walking behind her, carrying a wooden pole. As he got closer to her he started to run. He jumped in the air (it was like a kung fu movie - the run continues but starts to be vertical) and KICKED her in the chest. She fell down, all the cars started hooting, he just turned (cool as) and walked back the way he had come. The old lady was ok, she stood up and said "that boy hit me for nothing".
The lights changed and all us whities in cars just drove off.
What do you do? Sometimes things happen so fast. And to be totally honest, as horrified as I was, I was also terrified. I thought about driving into the guy, but even in my car I was scared of him. A pole versus a car? Surely I would have won that fight (at least physically if not morally or legally) if I had it in me?
It made me think of something that happened to me a few years ago. I was walking through town to work. I was going thorugh a small alley in a parkade when I saw a man in an wheelchair coming towards me. I smiled at him and stepped to the side to let the wheelchair pass. But instead of passing me - he lunged towards me, put his hand up my dress (thankfully I was wearing trousers underneath)and said some inanity along the lines of "hey babe". If you are like everyone else I know, you will have laughed at that. Well, I can laugh now too, but at the time I was pretty shaken up. Whenever I tell this story, I have to point out that just because he was in a wheel chair, doesn't mean it was less of a violation of my personal space.
But the reason the events are linked in my mind is that at that moment I felt exactly the same loss of agency, the same powerlessness, the same fear. In both cases I was most likely in a physically stronger position, but somehow could not react.
In the case of the guy in the wheelchair, I'm pretty sure that was what he was aiming for. Being disabled must be a very emasculating situation. He probably feels quite helpless much of the time. I'm sure his asserting himself at me like that was an attempt to regain power by feeling like the aggressor, the dominant individual in the interaction.
But the guy with the stick - he just knew that the chances of anyone reacting (quickly and on behalf of a stranger) were slim. And he was right.
Fight or flight - for me it seems 'deer in the headlights' is the instinctive positon. Is 'freeze' evolutionary or learned? Either way, it sucks.
I was in my car, waiting at a robot for the light to change. A gogo was crossing the road on foot. I noticed she was looking behind her. As she got to the other side of the road, a young guy (maybe 17-20) came walking behind her, carrying a wooden pole. As he got closer to her he started to run. He jumped in the air (it was like a kung fu movie - the run continues but starts to be vertical) and KICKED her in the chest. She fell down, all the cars started hooting, he just turned (cool as) and walked back the way he had come. The old lady was ok, she stood up and said "that boy hit me for nothing".
The lights changed and all us whities in cars just drove off.
What do you do? Sometimes things happen so fast. And to be totally honest, as horrified as I was, I was also terrified. I thought about driving into the guy, but even in my car I was scared of him. A pole versus a car? Surely I would have won that fight (at least physically if not morally or legally) if I had it in me?
It made me think of something that happened to me a few years ago. I was walking through town to work. I was going thorugh a small alley in a parkade when I saw a man in an wheelchair coming towards me. I smiled at him and stepped to the side to let the wheelchair pass. But instead of passing me - he lunged towards me, put his hand up my dress (thankfully I was wearing trousers underneath)and said some inanity along the lines of "hey babe". If you are like everyone else I know, you will have laughed at that. Well, I can laugh now too, but at the time I was pretty shaken up. Whenever I tell this story, I have to point out that just because he was in a wheel chair, doesn't mean it was less of a violation of my personal space.
But the reason the events are linked in my mind is that at that moment I felt exactly the same loss of agency, the same powerlessness, the same fear. In both cases I was most likely in a physically stronger position, but somehow could not react.
In the case of the guy in the wheelchair, I'm pretty sure that was what he was aiming for. Being disabled must be a very emasculating situation. He probably feels quite helpless much of the time. I'm sure his asserting himself at me like that was an attempt to regain power by feeling like the aggressor, the dominant individual in the interaction.
But the guy with the stick - he just knew that the chances of anyone reacting (quickly and on behalf of a stranger) were slim. And he was right.
Fight or flight - for me it seems 'deer in the headlights' is the instinctive positon. Is 'freeze' evolutionary or learned? Either way, it sucks.
I ♥ eating
I love to eat. And I love to feed people. But when I'm on my own, I am too lazy to cook. But last night the insatiable need for vegetables descended upon me. 15 minutes and I had a steaming, tasty plateful.
1. Carbs
Put some Jasmine Rice on to boil
2. Flavour
Heat (wonderful, new, non-stick) wok. Add a drop of oil, a chopped onion, some ginger (garlic would have been good, but I'm also too lazy to shop).
3. Chop
Slice mushrooms (I had one huge white one - more than enough for one person) and drop into wok.
4. More flavour
I was craving that tangy, smoky, sour Eastern heat. So I added a teaspoon of peanut butter, some chopped chillis, a dash of lime juice, and a dash of fish sauce to the wok.
5. Greens
All good meals must have something green on the plate. I added a bunch of baby spinach (my favourtie - why do we eat so much chard here in SA?).
6. Yum yum
By this time the rice was done and I spooned it into the wok with the veggies and sauce for some flavour-melding stirfry goodness.
1. Carbs
Put some Jasmine Rice on to boil
2. Flavour
Heat (wonderful, new, non-stick) wok. Add a drop of oil, a chopped onion, some ginger (garlic would have been good, but I'm also too lazy to shop).
3. Chop
Slice mushrooms (I had one huge white one - more than enough for one person) and drop into wok.
4. More flavour
I was craving that tangy, smoky, sour Eastern heat. So I added a teaspoon of peanut butter, some chopped chillis, a dash of lime juice, and a dash of fish sauce to the wok.
5. Greens
All good meals must have something green on the plate. I added a bunch of baby spinach (my favourtie - why do we eat so much chard here in SA?).
6. Yum yum
By this time the rice was done and I spooned it into the wok with the veggies and sauce for some flavour-melding stirfry goodness.
I ♥ reading (and my Mum)
For years my Mum has encouraged me to keep a list of what I read. Along with much other good advice, this has been completely ignored. No more - let the list begin. Starting some time in June (as far back as I can remember). And keeping up with the times I think I'll add movies watched.
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